Conflicted

Happy Friday, Beautiful People.

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Third Ward, MKE.

 Mason had a sleepover with his Munka and Bumpa last night. When Jeremy got home from work he, Charmaine, and I stopped at Gille’s Custard Stand and ordered all the fried things. We spent the night playing Betrayal at House on the Hill  with Jason. We have all recently gotten into playing unique board games, such as Tokaido, Oddville, and Exploding Kittens. It’s very possible that these games could be played all night long if you let it happen. It is quite imperative that I get back on something that even slightly resembles a sleep schedule, because while I used to think that 9pm was late, I can’t make myself go to sleep before midnight lately. Of course, Mason still wakes up at the same time every morning, therefore I am tired all. The. Time. Even without a full time job, there do not seem to be enough hours in the day for everything I want to accomplish. Sigh.

I headed to the Third Ward this morning for coffee and retail therapy (ahemm…Anthropologie). I continue to go back and forth on the job front; on one hand, I miss all of the social aspects that go along with a full time job: the coworkers who quickly become friends, the nights out, the camaraderie. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t enjoying this unplanned time off. I am very thankful for all of the extra time I am spending with Mason, and learning more about who I am as an individual, but there are good days and there are bad days, as with anything in life. Sometimes, I can’t believe how much work consumed me, and other days I sit in my living room with cold coffee wishing I could bash my head against a wall and scream at the top of my lungs because Mason doesn’t know how to talk or play at a decibel any lower than elephant stampede. As with everything else I contemplate publicly in this blog, I don’t want to sugar coat it. I am not a very good stay-at-home-mom. I don’t have that kind of patience. I’m too antsy and energetic. I am a worker. I need the self-gratification that success in the workplace brings. I am hoping that when classes begin in 2 weeks, I will have a similar satisfaction.

I have submitted my resume to a few different companies with job openings that fit what I would be looking for, but every time I end up sitting back and questioning if I would even be happy in that position. You guys, I am genuinely going insane. I actually googled “Should I be a doctor” because I had a physical earlier this week and my doctor is so upbeat and happy, and her attitude is contagious. Of course, after reading one article I quickly came back down to Earth. HELL NO, I don’t want to be a doctor. I like to help people, but it takes a certain kind of heart to DEDICATE their lives to helping people. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that I don’t think I am capable of that. Again, just being honest.

So what am I capable of? I like to create and be a leader and communicate and be the center of attention. I think I would shrivel up and die if I was put behind a desk for 8 hours a day. What can I do that would make me happy? Not sure that the answer will be easily found. I would love nothing more than to open an antique shop (it has been my dream for years), but it is simply not feasible in this stage of life to do so. Or perhaps it’s that I simply lack the faith it takes to make it a reality. I suppose that is something that no one but myself can decide.

Well, here we are at the end of another work week. I hope you all have a splendid Friday night!

xo

Transitioning

Good Morning and Happy Tuesday!

I must have a faulty phone. I slept right through the alarm that would have woken me to get Mason ready for school. One would not think that such a small person would be such an enormous monster in the morning. He is worse of a morning person than me (ok, not really.)!  Anyway, I opened one eye and peeked at the time. 7:39 am.

Shit.

So, knowing how insanely difficult it is to get this little boy out of bed, I had to make a game out of it. I burst into his room and said, “Oh, no! We are so late today. Let’s see how fast you can go potty, brush your teeth, and put your uniform on! And….. go!”. He was not impressed.

Double Shit.

We managed to make it to St. John’s by 8:02 am. Poor kid. Stupid faulty phone (though if for some reason the phone is not faulty and it’s more of a user error *wink wink*, I may need to consider purchasing an ACTUAL alarm clock; one that is so loud that I can’t possibly sleep through it. Work had my internal body clock down to a science. I am all out of whack now.). I am grateful that Jeremy and I paid for Mason’s tuition in advance because even though I am technically a stay-at-home-mom now, he quickly missed the camaraderie of his fellow littles on the days I kept him home with me. I don’t know if we would have been able to send him had we not already taken care of the financial aspect. See, there it is! The bright side.

Jer and I took on some projects over the weekend. The handle that adjusts the water temperature in our bathtub wasn’t turning as far as it should, and so upon futzing with it, Jer managed to also discover that there were some broken pipes, and other parts that would need to be replaced. Our resident handyman, Dave (Grandpa/Father-in-law extraordinaire), was quick to assist Jer in replacing all of the faulty parts, though it ended up taking the entire weekend because as I am learning, home projects are always more involved than they seem. The only time they needed me was to choose a new showerhead and hardware, which made me happy because I get way too excited when it comes to replacing older things in our home with more modern, sleeker pieces.

While that was happening, Mason spent a good portion of the weekend with Aiden, and I hauled boxes containing my Etsy and Ebay inventory from the basement to my upstairs office. More and more I am seeing how my full time career literally ruled my life: the items were still neatly packed into the boxes they were in when we moved from Greendale, which was a year and a half ago. A year and a half since I put any time or effort into my antiques.

What a shame.

The lighting was perfect on Saturday, so I was able to get good listing photos of all of the items. It felt so amazing to be productive! Being that Mason is at preschool for 3 hours 3 days out of the week, I will dedicate those hours to curating my shops, and this blog (which I currently view as more of an online journal for the world to see.. lucky you! 😉

This brings me to another thought: when I first started this blog, I wasn’t sure what I wanted to make out of it. It really is a place for me to air out my thoughts and epiphany’s, but I want to create more of a structured theme to it as well.

What do people want to read? What interests them? What keeps them engaged? How can I grow my readership? I want more than anything to bring a smile to people’s faces with my writing. I have toyed with the idea of tying a theme to each of the days that I write, for example: Tuesday’s Thoughts (perhaps something I learned or reflected on that week). Some other ideas I had were to post a weekly list of links to things that I found funny/interesting/chic online that week. I wanted to dedicate a weekly post to listing the things that made me smile that week (Saturdays?).

I am turning to you for other ideas! What would YOU like to read?

xo