Conflicted

Happy Friday, Beautiful People.

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Third Ward, MKE.

ย Mason had a sleepover with his Munka and Bumpa last night. When Jeremy got home from work he, Charmaine, and I stopped at Gille’s Custard Stand and ordered all the fried things. We spent the night playing Betrayal at House on the Hillย ย with Jason. We have all recently gotten into playing unique board games, such as Tokaido, Oddville, and Exploding Kittens. It’s very possible that these games could be played all night long if you let it happen. It is quite imperative that I get back on something that even slightly resembles a sleep schedule, because while I used to think that 9pm was late, I can’t make myself go to sleep before midnight lately. Of course, Mason still wakes up at the same time every morning, therefore I am tired all. The. Time. Even without a full time job, there do not seem to be enough hours in the day for everything I want to accomplish. Sigh.

I headed to the Third Ward this morning for coffee and retail therapy (ahemm…Anthropologie). I continue to go back and forth on the job front; on one hand, I miss all of the social aspects that go along with a full time job: the coworkers who quickly become friends, the nights out, the camaraderie. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t enjoying this unplanned time off. I am very thankful for all of the extra time I am spending with Mason, and learning more about who I am as an individual, but there are good days and there are bad days, as with anything in life. Sometimes, I can’t believe how much work consumed me, and other days I sit in my living room with cold coffee wishing I could bash my head against a wall and scream at the top of my lungs because Mason doesn’t know how to talk or play at a decibel any lower than elephant stampede. As with everything else I contemplate publicly in this blog, I don’t want to sugar coat it. I am not a very good stay-at-home-mom. I don’t have that kind of patience. I’m too antsy and energetic. I am a worker. I need the self-gratification that success in the workplace brings. I am hoping that when classes begin in 2 weeks, I will have a similar satisfaction.

I have submitted my resume to a few different companies with job openings that fit what I would be looking for, but every time I end up sitting back and questioning if I would even be happy in that position. You guys, I am genuinely going insane. I actually googled “Should I be a doctor” because I had a physical earlier this week and my doctor is so upbeat and happy, and her attitude is contagious. Of course, after reading one article I quickly came back down to Earth. HELL NO, I don’t want to be a doctor. I like to help people, but it takes a certain kind of heart to DEDICATEย their lives to helping people. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that I don’t think I am capable of that. Again, just being honest.

So what am I capable of? I like to create and be a leader and communicate and be the center of attention. I think I would shrivel up and die if I was put behind a desk for 8 hours a day. What can I do that would make me happy? Not sure that the answer will be easily found. I would love nothing more than to open an antique shop (it has been my dream for years), but it is simply not feasible in this stage of life to do so. Or perhaps it’s that I simply lack the faith it takes to make it a reality. I suppose that is something that no one but myself can decide.

Well, here we are at the end of another work week. I hope you all have a splendid Friday night!

xo

To run or to drink coffee?!

Cheers to the Freakin’ Weekend!

In keeping with my goals for this year, I decided to check out a new place this morning (52 List Project goal!) while Mason is in preschool: Colectivo on Prospect Avenue on the East side of Milwaukee. When I crave coffee I typically stop at Colectivo on KK Avenue, but this place is very cozy as well.

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SEE?! ๐Ÿ™‚

Yesterday Jeremy and I got fitted for new running shoes. It’s now or never (another 52 List Project goal). After trying on many different stability styles (I tend to overpronate quite badlyย when running or even walking), I settled on Nike Air Zoom Odyssey’s (here). I went down into the basement this morning to start my training on the treadmill, but it is folded up in a corner of the utility room (which illustrates pretty accurately how often we have used it) and no matter how hard I pulled I could not get it to fold down. So I unlaced my new kicks and got coffee instead. Pretty even if you ask me ๐Ÿ˜‰

I am going to be using the Couch to 5K app to train. I am not the type of person who can just get out there and gauge my endurance on my own- I need direction. I have used this app before while we were living in Greendale, and got about halfway through it before the weather became bitterly cold and I was honestly too big of a wuss to run in it. I feel that this is the perfect time to start- when it is cold yet mild, and Spring will be here before we know it.

In other news, I was a bit conflicted the last few days. I spent the better portion of Wednesday and Thursday afternoon perfecting my resume and applying for all the administrative jobs I could find that remotely interested me, but my heart wasn’t in it. It’s not that I don’t miss the workforce because I do, but I am very nervous about making the wrong decision when it comes to my next job. I don’t want to job-hop. I want to be stable and work somewhere I can be valued and use my individual talents to the best of my ability. Somewhere that I can grow to love the way I loved Iron Block. It sounds dramatic, but it’s true. I have so much to give and I don’t want to waste it. Now that I understand how much a job can truly mean to me, I am going to find it hard to top it. Sigh. Stream of consciousness…

I hope everyone has a fantastic day!

xo