On Monday, I was a leader, a confidant, a mentor. It was my job to ensure the daily procedures and activities of a dental clinic were carried out in an appropriate, timely, and professional manner.
I had a tremendous load of responsibility.
On Tuesday… I did not.
It’s Thursday. It’s 2:30 in the afternoon. I am in my pajama pants. I deep cleaned the kitchen and the bathroom. I read 10 books with my son. We played with trains. And Legos. I sat on my couch and sighed; feeling a sense of urgency to do something -anything- to keep myself busy. I set myself a reminder on my phone to go off at 2pm, because I knew I would actually be able to read it. I feel strange knowing that I am wearing glasses and no mascara. I don’t know where I left my black high heels.
I would be fooling myself (and all of you), if I were to say that I do not care. That it doesn’t bother me how things played out. That the failure was somehow all my fault. I do care. Tremendously. I loved my job and poured my heart and soul into it. In the end it would seem that the powers that be did not find me capable. I am not lying when I say that some of the best people I have ever known I have met in the last 2 years within the walls of the Iron Block Building.
Life has a way of pushing people in a certain direction. You can try to shove that annoying roadblock out of your way all you want, but if it is not God’s plan, it will not budge. You can scream and push and force all of your emotions and strength at it… but something has to give. Usually that something is you.
On March 14th, I will do something I have never done before: I will walk into my first college class. It was like I had some sort of inclination that I should take a step forward. A degree has never been a priority for me. Why did it become one, suddenly?
I have come to the conclusion that I can’t be afraid or expect things with certainty anymore. My arms are wide open to life’s possibilities, instead of crossed over my chest refusing to let go of things that are “mine”.
With that said, here we are. Page 1. This should be an interesting read…