What I’ve Learned from Marriage (so far)

February 8th 2015 is this year’s World Marriage Day

what i've learned from marriage

I am certainly no expert in marriage. Hell, I have only been married for 6 months! There are things I assumed about marriage, based on pieces of advice given by friends and family members who have been married longer. So far, my assumptions have been correct: there are days where the sun is shining and all is well in the world, and there are days we argue. There are days where loving each other is easy, and days where it takes a lot of work to get along. It’s the biggest adventure I have ever been on.

When people ask me “So, how is married life?” I don’t have a totally rad answer for them like: “Ohmygosh it is UH-mazzzzing! It is everything I hoped it would be and more! We melt into each other’s love day in and day out!”. No, my answer seems to be the same each time: “It’s going great! It’s the same.” Jeremy and I had lived together for almost 4 years prior to getting married, and our life was essentially that of a married couple: a shared bank account, a pet (Lola!), investments made together, hardships endured together (deaths in both families), and the miracle of life (the birth of our son). The only things missing were the rings. And I must admit, in most respects our life is “the same” as it was before we were married. But I feel incredibly blessed and loved that Jer made the promises that he did on our wedding day. And my answer of “it’s the same”, is the most wonderful reality there is.

So far in our marriage, I have learned:

  • To pick my battles. Perhaps the dirty socks on the floor 4 feet away from the laundry chute aren’t as big of a deal as I make them out to be. And if I focus on such a small issue that I have created to be monumental in my head, how will I focus on nurturing our relationship in all of the other more important areas? Areas such as agreeing how to raise Mason, and what type of home investments we should make. Areas like ensuring we make time for each other.
  • To listen. To not just hear what he is saying, but to listen and understand. Sometimes he may need me to just sit and listen to what he is saying, rather than offer advice or try to avenge the situation.
  • To have a united front in the parenting department. Mason watches and listens to every single little thing we do. It is so important to remain consistent when it comes to parenting.
  • To speak his “love language”.  I read the book. And asked Jeremy to pretty please take the quiz at the end of it. And it only reaffirmed what I had already known: his love language is undoubtedly Words of Affirmation. I make an effort to always say thank you, to praise him when he brags about school or work or a project he is working on. I tell him that I’m proud of him, that he is doing a tremendous job, that I love him.
  • To have patience.  Because sometimes I am really, REALLY going to lose my shit.
  • To cherish the time we spend together. I feel like sometimes we get lost in the routine of the week, and forget to slow down and actually enjoy each other’s company!

I hope and pray that we have many more years to learn and grow together!



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