Yesterday I found myself deep in thought as I pondered how drastically my life has changed in the last year.
2014 has been good to me, no doubt. I would venture to say my best year yet (with, of course, March of 2012 when Mason was born). There were many times in the past 12 months where I found myself feeling pretty blessed due to how full life was/is. I wish I could say that even through all these good times, there was not a moment where I still envied the circumstances of someone else, whether it be the ease with which they parent, the seemingly perfect relationship they have with their husband, or their lack of financial need to have a full time job.
The saying “The grass is always greener on the other side” has some truth to it, as I am sure I speak for a large percent of people when I say that there will always be something that someone has or is that you would love to have for yourself (or someone you wish you could be, whether that be more creative, more outspoken, or more content with life). However, I tend to believe that if in my own life, I make a conscious effort to master time management and devote some tender loving care to all areas in my life, I will be more satisfied with the busy-ness of my life right now.
For everything that changed in 2014, there seemed to be a challenge that went along with it. I was promoted from a receptionist position to an administrative supervisor position at Dental Associates in early Summer. All in an instant, my work life went from punching the clock each day, finishing my small list of daily tasks, and ensuring patient care, to handling administrative duties and supervising 2 dental clinics in downtown Milwaukee. A 36 hour work week became a 40+ hour work week, and days where I would sometimes sit and wonder what else there was to accomplish were a distant memory. I could not be more grateful for the opportunity that was given to me, but my feelings of guilt over not spending enough time with my son will always make me envy the mother that can work only part time or *gasp* not at all.
In addition to my career change, Jeremy and I got married, bought a home, and he landed a new position in the IT department at Nortwestern Mutual. You may be asking yourself “what right to you even have to complain?!” and I have to say I agree with you! But I am human, and though I am grateful, there are days I long for a job where I can leave right at the scheduled end time and run home to my son, for a rental where a landlord is only a call away and the broken toilet is not my problem, and more quality time with my husband.
So my conclusion is this: I vow to devote more time to those I love. I vow to put down my cell phone. I vow to use my time wisely.
To nurture my relationship with my husband-
I will consider his needs before my own. I will take into consideration that though I am tired, he is most certainly exhausted between work and school, which he attends after work from 5pm-11pm Tuesdays and Wednesdays. I will remember to tell him that I love him, even when I don’t feel loving. I will refrain from having an attitude when I talk to him. In doing so I will not feel the need to envy the woman who seemingly receives all the love and devotion she needs from her husband, because my husband will reciprocate my good attitude and affection.
To nurture my relationship with my son-
I will cherish the little moments. The times he kisses my cheek, the times he runs to me asking to color with chalk, or the times he asks for an extra kiss when I am tucking him in. I will turn my cell phone off. I will listen, and not just hear, to what he is saying. I will include him in any activities in my life that I can. I will always remember to tell him I love him. In doing so I will no longer need to envy the stay-at-home-mom because the time I spend with my son will be meaningful to him, and he will know that he is extraordinarily important to me. He will know that I always come home to him.
To nurture myself-
I will eat healthier, drink more water, and remember to make a breakfast, even if it is just a smoothie. I will actually USE the yoga app I downloaded, thus strengthening and relaxing my body. I will stop rushing through life. I will take breaks. I will meditate on the good, and not let the bad bother me as much. I will stop worrying that I am doing it all wrong. I will love myself and appreciate all that I have!